There are many misconceptions people have about this noble profession, this fourth estate. We are a hard-drinking, hard-partying bunch of cynical blaggers, out for everything we can cadge as some form of recompense for the pittance of a crust we earn, apparently. Well, that’s pretty much on the money actually. But what folk often assume is that just because my colleagues and I are frequently summoned to all corners of Europe, North America, and sometimes beyond on business, that we are therefore enjoying some kind of glamorous playboy lifestyle of jet-setting, gorgeous people and wild parties.

Well, I penned this entry from a 40cm-wide American Airlines cattle-class seat, which was slightly less comfortable than sitting on a toilet for 10 hours with your legs tied together. After purchasing a beer from the trolley (yes buying... on a long-haul flight, no less) at prices normally reserved for the type of club I never get into, I was treated to a movie that I can only assume went straight to DVD. I say assume, because I could neither hear (headphones broken), nor see it (many heads, only one central cinema-style screen). My attempts at sleep were interrupted by two charming Mexican children who seemed to have left their manners behind in London,but not, sadly, their capacity to repeatedly kick the back of my seat, and by the amply proportioned stewardess who grazed my head with her hips every time she passed by.

I arrived in Dallas, one of the fattest cities in the fattest country in the world, where I spent three days in a conference centre listening to a lot of very rich, middle-aged men talk about roadmaps and revolutionising the way businesses do something or other. I awoke at 3am, and from then on at hourly intervals, every night. Never once was I able to bask under the glorious, cloudless spring skies, relax in the spa, or see where a very famous bloke was shot in the 60s. Now, don't get me wrong, three days out of the office is three days out of the office... but just to set the record straight: it’s business, not pleasure.