Right, the gloves are off. It’s time to name and shame the poor excuse for a delivery firm that has made my simple online purchase of a TV turn into an ordeal of disappointment and frustration. It’s Parcelforce, or Parcelfarce as I believe they’re known in the business. No wonder this firm has no feedback or user-rating system on its site, there would have to be a special minus point satisfaction scale invented to allow for a truly representative view. On arriving at the Post Office  bright and breezy Saturday morning, standing in a queue that stretched out of the door with Southwark’s finest array of misfits and obese single parents, I came to the counter, dutifully handed in my card and ID, and waited for the appearance of my beloved TV. And waited, and waited. And then was told to call Parcelforce again, “cos there ain’t been nuffink that big come in this week, sorry”. Yes, and so am I. Turns out the package was too big to be delivered to a post office, although I had to personally find that out by continuously calling the "help"line - love those channels of communication.

In Japan, where I had the pleasure of living for three surreal, life-changing years, they have customer-service thing off pat. Yes, part of it is cultural, firms would go out of business if they didn’t bend over backwards to meet their customers’ needs, but should it be? Isn’t it just good business practice not to p*** off the customer? In the land of the rising sun you can specify a time of day, not 9 to 6, but a TWO HOUR window, and if you miss them, the number on the calling card will be the van driver’s number, so he can come back if he’s just missed you. Plus the latest delivery of the day is from 8-10pm, giving the salaryman enough time to get home from his 9-5 in the office, and they do Sundays too. Practical, efficient, and no extra cost. I think it’s time our online retailers started to look around them; because it certainly isn’t working at the moment.